Narcissists commonly use triangulation and flying monkeys to target their victims. In triangulation, Narcissists use their group of supporters, often called enablers, and in narcissism, they are widely called flying monkeys.
Also, read the article Why Do Narcissists’ Flying Monkeys Exist?
Table of Contents
What is triangulation?
Triangulation is a form of manipulative behavior commonly found in toxic relationships. Typically, it is used to influence and control spouses, family members, friends, and employees. A family member or a complete stranger could be the one who is persuaded to act as the narcissist’s conduit for communication with their victims. They are pulled into this toxic relationship, making it more complicated and conflicting to take control and advantage of your life. They then ensure no communication between you and the person they pulled into your relationship and act as a messenger between you and that person. Narcissists usually control relationships where they create feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
For example, they may tell stories about people flirting with you to make you feel insecure, or sometimes they may talk about their ex and how poorly they were treated, making you feel all protective and successful in getting your attention.
If by any chance the narcissist doesn’t want to continue the relationship, they would pull in the flying monkey, and through them, you will come to know about their intention.
Narcissists always create a feeling of hostility between the third person and you by telling that third person false stories or manipulated versions of things you said to create tension, anger, and hurt between you two while acting an unsympathetic person listening to your issues. Thus it is vital to remove yourself from such a situation and know all about triangulation and flying monkeys.
The parts of triangulation in triangulation and flying monkeys
The three corners of the relationship in triangulation and flying monkeys.
Persecutor
This is usually the stance a narcissist takes when a narc wants to attack, blame, control, shame, or be aggressive. They’ll do this to make you appear guilty so they may criticize and assign blame.
Victim
Narcissists will portray themselves as helpless victims who are being abused so that they can blame the victims for everything going wrong in life.
Rescuer
The victim will usually play this role. The victim of a narcissist will become the fixer, helper, or pleaser so that you can take responsibility for all the behavior and feelings in the relationship.
To create drama, conflict, or other harmful relationship instability, narcissists will drag other people into one of the positions within the triangle.
Why do narcissists use triangulation?
Narcissists use triangulation and flying monkeys to control and use their victims, protect their egos, and maintain control.
How to react to narcissists triangulation and flying monkeys?
Three steps to end narcissistic abuse and even recover from it are as follows
- Recognize the triangulation
When you recognize the triangulation, you will stop feeling guilty and acknowledge that it’s the doing of the narcissist, not you.
- Cut off all contact with the narc.
The triangle only exists till you pay attention to the narc; once you leave the toxic relationship, the triangulation and flying monkey fails.
- Set boundaries
Boundaries help stop the abuse cycle of triangulation by narcissists.
How do the narcissists manage the triangulation and flying monkey?
Narcissists feign victimization by creating rumors and feign victimization and target the actual victim’s values into question. The narcissists will then ask the triangulated enabler to help the real victim. When the real victim tries to respond and push back, the conflict is created and an opportunity for the narc to deny the wrongdoings and lay all the responsibility of competition on the target.
They will then gaslight and character-assassinate the victim. The target will then begin to feel the shame of the stigma and smear campaign launched against them, causing their reputation to be destroyed. The flying monkey will then blindly assist narcissists in their manipulation and abuse.
With the help of a flying monkey, the narcissists then further destroy the victims while feeling powerful and in control.
Suppose the narcissists want to preserve the relationship to gain the victim’s supply. In that case, they will present themselves as sensitive and innocent while displaying their partners as instigating and disturbing.
If the therapist fails to recognize the malignant partner, the result will be a harmful collaboration between the therapists and narcissists. They result in the victim’s reality being subverted.
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Dr Amit Sharma is a Doctor and writer with a particular interest in mental health. He helps individuals by combining practical advice with emotional support.