Understand the psychology of ignoring someone. When ignoring the narc you don’t realize you are indirectly getting them to pay attention to you and then you become interested in them. So what do narcissists do when you ignore them?
- Rage
- Manipulation
- Threaten to self harm
- Lies
- Start smear campaign through flying monkeys
We will read in detail about all this below in this article
Table of Contents
A brief introduction: Ignoring a narcissist who ignores you
This is a common question among those who are dealing with a narcissist. You must understand revenge is never a good idea but understand this, ignoring a narcissist spouse, partner or boyfriend is for your good as the narcissist will stop at nothing to hurt you. They will try to destroy your confidence and sense of self entirely till you start feeling worthless. So what do narcissists do when you ignore them, in this article, we will learn all about it.
Why do you want to ignore a narcissist?
First off why do you want to ignore them then we will discuss what do narcissists do when you ignore them. Is it to punish a narcissist for all their wrongdoings abuses, manipulation, gaslighting, lies, and hurt? Do you think if you ignore a narcissist’s text it would make them realize their wrongs that he/she would come crawling back to you? Apologizing for all the abuse? If you are expecting a heartfelt apology then sorry to burst your bubble but narcissists rarely apologize and even if they do they probably are faking being sorry.
Ignoring a narcissist
1. Do you want to ignore a narcissist to take revenge?
You probably by now must have realized that when it comes to hurting others’ emotions and crushing self-worth, the narcissist has mastered this art. You will probably never win this fight, so ignoring them just for getting back at them; will not be the best thing for you.
2. Are you ignoring the narcissist who ignores you?
If you ignore a narcissist who is also ignoring you then you are playing right into their hands. It will only make them hoover more. They will slowly make you think that they have changed, that now they are willing to give you all that you want love, respect, and dignity while in reality, they would be faking it.
3. Are you ignoring a narcissist because you want to leave?
If you want to leave a narcissist then you shouldn’t leave any way for them to come back. Have zero contact with them; just wipe them out from everywhere even from social media. Ignoring a narcissist’s text, a call is your best shot at moving on in life. Even if you reply to even a single email or Facebook comment you are paving way for them to return to your life and wreak havoc. If you are ignoring a narcissist with the hope that he will mend his ways then you are doomed because that won’t happen.
Steps to take so that you don’t allow a narcissist to hoover
Certain ways can help you manage the narcissist in your life so that you are not sucked back into their vicious narcissistic vortex.
No contact
Many people fail to implement this. Either they will leave an opening of communication through Facebook or emails. The thing with no contact is leaving no way of contact between you and the narcissist. No texts, no calls, no common friend circle, nothing at all. Only this way you can get rid of their existence from your life otherwise you can relapse and again start the abusive relationship cycle with the narcissist.
Never blame it on you
Narcissists insult and target you to hurt you. If you don’t listen to their insults, and their abuses then they won’t get the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. It was never your fault they were like this. You tried your best to make the relationship work now it’s time to move on.
Get help from family and friends
First, you need to acknowledge that you need help. You can’t handle them alone. Try to find as much support as you can from your trusted near and dear ones.
Recognize your limits
If the narcissist you are dealing with is your colleague or co-parent, it is difficult to cut ties completely. These are situations where you have to use the grey rock method. Remember to communicate only when it is very necessary. It will help you in avoiding relapse and also you can avoid the hovering of the narcissist. One-word responses, only telling times and dates are your best way to handle those situations where you have to contact them.
Try to have a third person as a buffer
If there is a third party involved between you and your narcissist then your interactions automatically become minimal. Get a trusted friend or a parent to act as a go-between you and the narcissist.
Ignore them if you can’t leave them
I know it’s easier said than done but for your own sake, you shouldn’t engage in any sort of fight with them. They are the experts and pros at making you feel hurt and crushing your emotions. You need to set boundaries and develop some negotiation skills. You can’t win over them but can try to avoid any sort of confrontations with them.
What do narcissists do when you ignore them?
Narcissist will try everything to get you to pay attention to them. If you are aiming for them to leave you alone then you failed at it. If by chance they don’t care about what you are doing then that means they think you are so inferior to them to pursue you at all. This will hurt you. So in both scenarios, it’s not good for you, either they find you interesting, ignoring narcissists is not easy. When you ignore them and then try their best to make you fall for their manipulation that “they have changed”. If you relapse you will get abused and if they don’t care what happens to you then you will be questioning your worth how much you had given to this relationship in the past and how little it meant to them.
Narcissists need people to feed their egos. When you discard the narcissist first, they will always try to devalue and demean those who don’t agree with them or try to make them see their flaws.
Does a narcissist like to be ignored?
The answer is a classic narcissist hates being ignored. They thrive on attention and praise. Being ignored hurts everyone but for a narcissist, this rejection hurts like hell. Why? because narcissists view ignoring as an act of putting down their self-worth and reminding them of their shameful, neglected, and abusive childhood.
So how a narcissist acts when you ignore them will depend on how malignant the narcissist is. It may happen that when you ignore the narcissist, they may become violent or furious. Some may start stalking you while some narcissists ignore an important message, and may not care at all.
What happens to a narcissist when they are ignored?
Two things that happen when you ignore a narcissist are
- They will start thinking in their minds that the person who ignored them was inferior to them just to soothe their fragile egos. Thus won’t think much about the person who ignored them. You are lucky if your narcissist takes this approach
- If the person who ignored the narcissist is a highly valued person then they will start treating that person very badly. The narcissist may try to malign that person, and start malicious gossip about the person who ignored them just to prove that they are worthless.
A narcissist wants you to admire them and be in awe of their shiny, happy, and magnanimous personality so that you don’t get to see their true self that is all smoke and mirrors. They have very low self-esteem and are without any internal ego support.
What happens When you ignore the covert narcissist
The simple answer to what narcissists do when you ignore them is that it will make the narcissist act in certain ways for which you must be prepared. When the narcissist knows you have figured him out, he/she will do the things mentioned below.
Smear campaigns
A narcissist typically would start to badmouth you to whomever they can and smear your name. They will try to put all the blame on you for the fallout, making you the bad guy and them the victim in the relationship. You would be portrayed as the crazy one, the cheater, the liar, and whatnot.
Sob stories for new supply
Remember the narcissist already has a new supply ready before they will discard you completely. So never blame yourself for their cheating. The truth is narcissists will cheat so it’s not you but them that are at fault. They will just go on spinning long tales about how you abused them to their new supply. Do narcissists cry? Yes for their benefit they will even resort to tears. This makes the new supply think “Oh poor thing I will heal/ fix you”. In this way, they will keep on controlling the new supply till their mask slips.
hoover narcissist
Believe me, you will get hoovered if you maintain no contact with the covert narcissist. You may get a lot of calls, texts, or emails. You just need to ignore the covert narcissist in all forms of communication.
Attacking through the third person
Someone close to the narcissist( usually a new supply) may try and verbally abuse you, thinking how the narcissist has been mistreated by you. They do not know this but they are acting on behalf of the narcissist.
Employing friends and family to contact you
You will be bombarded from all sides whether it’s your friends and family or his on how you should contact the narcissist and how he has changed and repented all his wrongdoings. This is nothing but Hoover by proxy. Don’t fall for this act at all.
Stalking
If you ignore the covert narcissist they will keep stalking you. Mostly it will be through social media or sometimes through friends and family, they will want to know what you are up to. Just block them from everywhere otherwise chances are that you may fall into their trap and the cycle of abuse will continue.
Apology
Sweet talking, buttering sometimes love bombing all this will happen, be ready. They will fake that they are changing. Any apology from a narcissist is far from sincere so don’t even think of any reconciliation. They will again abuse you because they don’t understand genuine affection and love.
Lashing out
When the apologies won’t work then they may start ranting about “what a loser you are”, and “how they don’t want you in their life”. “What a cheater, liar, and manipulator you are”. This happens because they need to rationalize in their minds that you are ignoring them. So they start convincing themselves that you are not worthy of them and don’t matter to them.
FAQ on what do narcissists do when you ignore them
- What is the best punishment for a narcissist?
Most narcissists can’t take the silent treatment because they no longer get the validation attention, and this bruises their ego. - What do narcissists do when ignored?
If you ignore a narcissist, they may act intensely with rage and manipulations, even threaten with self-destruction as they thrive on the attention of others. You are not paying any attention to them, thus depriving them of their narcissistic supply. - How does the narcissist react when he realizes you no longer care?
If you don’t react the way a narcissist wants you to act, even if you act neutrally, the narcissist will take that as a slight against them, while normal people don’t do that. - How to ignore a narcissist who tries to punish you?
Maintain the strict no-contact rule against the narcissist. Don’t ever contact them or anyone they know because that person most likely has become the flying monkey of the narcissist and now works as an informer of the narcissist. Try to be happy and try to get over the abuse you faced from the narcissist over the years. Just ignore their childish games and be happy. - What happens when you ignore a narcissist text?
They get insecure if you ignore a narcissist’s text. They may become more fixated on you and will take this as a challenge and use all their tactics to get you to reply, even sending polite messages Like I’m sorry, please let’s talk. It would help if you never fell for their tricks again. - How does a narcissist feel when you don’t beg and plead?
The narcissist feels neglected and no longer has a hold over you if you don’t plead and beg them to come back. Their manipulation tactics have failed them.
Read all about Narcissist stare
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Dr Amit Sharma is a Doctor and writer with a particular interest in mental health. He helps individuals by combining practical advice with emotional support.